Florida Trail: Day 54-56
Feb 28 – Mar 2, 2022
Mile: 489.0 to 492.3 (3.3 miles)
Start: Pine trees in Caravelle Ranch Wildlife Management Area
Finish: Holiday Inn Express, Palatka, FL via Hwy 20
The morning was overcast with bruised gray skies and rain forecasted in the afternoon but it was going to be a cold rain in the low 50s which could mean hypothermic conditions. We hadn’t been planning to originally stop in the bigger town of Palatka but other hikers had said it was a fun time and it sounded like there were some cool attractions like a movie theater, coffee shops, restaurants and a dramatic looking park in a ravine. We hiked a fast 3 miles to reach the highway where Shannon was able to get a few bars of cell service and we called a local taxi company to pick us up and drive us the 5 miles to our hotel.
The trail was not very exciting this morning as we crossed under powerlines and forest roads hemmed in on both sides by jungle before spitting us out on a four-lane highway. Our taxi driver had apparently just woken up so we stood by the side of the trail north side road waiting patiently and trying to find the nearest landmark that he could use to pinpoint our location as sending him a Google or Apple Maps live location pin was beyond his ability to understand. He called Shannon after driving past us twice and we knew it was our taxi driver when he decided he was going to Tokyo Drift his Cadillac into the grassy median sandwiched between the four highway lanes on either side with traffic blazing by at 70 mph. The only people I’ve ever seen pull into the grassy median on a highway on purpose are people with jacked up pickup trucks and that was down in the Mississippi country. The guy looked like he just rolled out of bed and told us smiling that his name was, “Moe from Jersey,” but with Jersey emphasized in true New Jersey fashion as “Joy-zee.” He was a nice enough guy but holy sh*t he was a terrible driver and soon I wished more than ever that there were Uber and Lyft drivers or that we’d hitchhiked into town.
We threw our gear into his trunk, jumped in the backseat and then he asked where we were going. Instead of putting the location of our hotel in the GPS while the car is stopped, he decides he kind of knows where he’s going but then 5 minutes into the ride must’ve decided he didn’t know where he was going and tries to fumble with his phone he seemed to barely know how to use while he’s driving 75 mph on the highway. Oh and this was after he pulled out into the highway without looking if there was traffic behind him. As Moe from Joy-zee hummed a little tune, he swerved his Cadillac into the slow lane of the highway without using his turn signal or looking. All of a sudden the SUV behind us going 70 mph loomed way too close for comfort as our blissfully unaware taxi driver pulled into their lane cutting them off as they were nearly on top of us.
Shannon’s face paled as he looked back in the side mirror and the car behind us grew larger and larger until it was almost on us. He isn’t one to panic but now he was panicking as he yelled, “There’s a car! Car! A car is going to hit us!”
Now this was the first time that I’d seen Moe actually use his mirrors and when he looked up to see the SUV almost on top of his car he started shrieking hysterically. With both our taxi driver and Shannon freaking out, it was enough for me to give up and tell myself, “Well, it’s been a nice life.”
I didn’t even look back as the car behind us tried to wildly pump the brakes before ramming headfirst into us. Miraculously we somehow didn’t get smashed to pieces as Moe from Joy-zee sped up at the last second while the SUV behind us lost control of his vehicle and literally drove off the highway road and into the ditch so as not to kill all of us.
I couldn’t believe that we weren’t dead. My head whipped around to see if the SUV our taxi driver cut off was still alive as obviously we had to stop in case their car had rolled. By some luck the SUV driver had regained control of the car and was driving up out of the ditch, his vehicle unscathed. When the SUV drove around our taxi, at least Moe from Joy-zee admitted he messed up.
“My pastor told me to always give a five finger wave when you mess up,” he admitted, owning up to nearly killing all of us and waving naively at the SUV driver who he forced off the highway. Once the SUV driver didn’t shoot Moe from Joy-zee and sped off as far as he could, putting as much distance between us and him, we breathed a small sigh of relief. Our taxi ride from hell wasn’t over yet.
Moe now proceeded to make up his own rules of driving using his GPS for a few minutes but then getting mad at his phone for telling him to go the correct way to our hotel and shutting the GPS off and then turning it on again as he’s driving and trying to turn across three lanes of traffic. Finally Moe decided to use what was definitely not his turning lane and it was really scary as another car drove straight at us before pausing as Moe’s Caddy was blocking his turning lane. After 25 minutes of what should’ve been a 10 minute ride, we couldn’t believe 1) that we were still alive and 2) that we finally made it to the hotel after a small eternity later. Goodbye Moe from Joy-zee. I hope we never ever EVER have the pleasure of driving with you again.
At the hotel, we talked to the nice lady behind the desk who had recently moved down from Columbus, Ohio to be with her mom in Florida. She said they would have a room ready for us in about 1-1.5 hours so to kill some time we walked a mile to a breakfast restaurant. On our way walking to the restaurant our favorite Palatka resident Moe from Joy-zee drove by us, stopped at a stoplight (surprising lol) before honking and waving at us. What are the chances. He told us if we needed a ride anywhere to call him but we would rather walk all the way back to the trail instead of ever setting foot in the car with him again. Moe sped off, failing to use his turn signal to switch lanes and getting honked at angrily by another driver. How he was a taxi driver and still had his drivers license I’ll never know.
We shook our heads and sure were glad that we decided to walk to the breakfast place where we ate some hiker hunger sized portions of egg scrambles and corned beef hash washed down with coffee for Shannon and Coke for me. On the way back to the hotel we picked up tea and coffee at a small coffee shop and swung by the grocery store. It felt incredibly nice to shower and relax after being chased by the cops or security guards last night.
Later in the afternoon we walked to a Mexican restaurant about 10 minutes away where we ate some really delicious food with good portions. On the way back, it started to rain icy cold showers on us and we had to run to escape as the showers poured down hard. It was good because the land does need rain and the grass is all crinkly and dry underfoot. We were sure glad we were in a hotel as the rain poured down hard.
We got vortexed into the town of Palatka for a couple days which was fine because Shannon had to catch up on some work and so did I. We spent the next couple days working from the hotel, being sad that the movie theater and some of the restaurants listed on the hiking navigation app had closed down during Covid. Soon we grew restless and knew that we needed to get back to the trail so we planned on some bigger mile days and mentally prepared ourselves for crushing some Florida Trail miles.
